Oh Yeah

This is about how I have been feeling recently. I would really like to wax poetic about Autumn leaves and moonlit nights but that just isn't the vibe of late. It's more like this wild jungle goddess with her Eagle familiar ready to do battle and just pulverize anything that gets too darn close.

What's all that about?

I know it has something to do with all of the physical challenges I've been dealing with and fighting my way back from all of that. I know it has an emotional aspect to it, too.

There is a new sign on my desk that says :

"Practice Positive habits Gently"

And I want Jane the Jungle Queen to bat someone upside the head.

Not Gently.

I think I had one too many ego bruises last week. It seems they came pretty regularly from almost every direction. Nothing seemed safe. Nowhere seemed safe. By Friday evening, my husband delivered what to him was probably an innocuous statement and to me was the bombshell to break the wall. It crumbled. Completely. I wanted to crawl under something. I wanted to go into a darkness that would not ever become light. I wanted to deny myself breath. But something else came up out of the tears and pain. The utter futility of life at that moment evolved into an image, a thing separate, yet within me.Not what I expected. She looked a lot like Nikki's goddess. Probably not as round. A lot sharper, a lot meaner. More claws and nasty edges. You wouldn't want to meet her in a dark alley. She settled in and just about dared anyone to mess with her. She scared even me. Then I realized she was there to protect me. She tucked me into bed and told me to rest...and I did. Slept pretty darn good. She is now my favorite bedtime story.

She's been hanging around ever since.

Now don't tell me I'm losing it. Obviously Nikki knew who she was. Look at the sculpture. It's the same gal. I'm sure mine has that Eagle thing around somewhere. Maybe this dark One comes to bruised art girls to glue us back together when we get too banged up. Maybe she is a soul shield to keep that part of us safe from those world bruises.

There is a legend thousands of years old of a Black Madonna, always a dark One shielding a small soul. Guarding. Protecting. Fiercely holding off those who would bruise and tear and take down those who try to look up. There were temples built to her, then churches built over her temples because the ground was considered so sacred. Chartres Cathedral is one such site. There is another in Poland. On and on. Think of Kali. Same gal, I think. All those skulls are a real give away.

I need her right now.

I don't know how I got so fragile. I always thought of myself as a sort of tough gal, but I know I need that dark One and her protection.

I hope the Eagle comes, too.